The Brevity of Life

"You have time" is the biggest, fattest lie I've ever heard. How dare someone else claim to know how much time you have. Are you God? No? Then leave me alone. I could be in a car crash tomorrow and that could be the end. Morbid maybe, to think that way. But I find it freeing. Unbinding me from the shackles of the imaginary future and reminding me to always make the most of this moment, right now.

I spent four years at a university I truly did love. I enjoy learning and I learned a lot of really valuable things from my time there. But I was there because that's what I thought I had to do. I told myself later. Later you will have more time. Later you will have more money. Later you can fulfill your dreams once you've created more stability for yourself.

The call to go to Arizona was so strong within me- this is a feeling I get about places sometimes. And now I know it means I have to go. There's no getting around it when my soul feels like that. Why fight against your soul anyways? What a waste of energy. Your soul (your gut, intuition, whatever you want to call it) knows where you need to go. All you have to do is listen...

    And so I went. Fuck later.

I was greeted by a chorus of dogs and a few minutes later, after I'd been diligently slobbered on and covered in dog hair, I was met by Lila and Samuel. They'd been around the ranch for a while now helping out Amanda who owned the place.

Lila and Samuel had met in France and were always sharing stories of their adventures together in the beautiful Swiss Alps where Lila had moved to be with Samuel. But the greatest story they told me was the one currently unfolding. Now in their late 30s/early 40s they had quit their jobs and set off on an adventure to explore the North American continent. Using the ranch as a home base for in between trips, they'd been following birds around Mexico and Canada- camping in their decked out van along the way. 

Once, somewhere in no mans land Mexico, they bounced their van down an old dirt road hoping to spot a bird Samuel was particularly excited to photograph. Though generally cautious and reserved, he had his eye on this bird and wasn't going to be stopped. Not even by the Mexican police who blocked off the road, rifles in hand, saying they had to turn around. That was easier said than done on the narrow path. Not to mention it had started raining and both Samuel and Lila doubted their vans capability to climb back up the steep descent they had just made into the valley.

After much deliberation that kept Lila and their loyal dog Luke on high alert, the police allowed them to continue their journey forward which brought them to a very small village. Surrounded by steep dirt roads on all sides that were quickly turning into mud slides thanks to the ever increasing rainfall, they were unable to go anywhere. So they spent the next five or so days in the village helping them recover from the sudden flood. While Samuel never got to photograph the bird he was after, he said they would always remember the journey because of the people they met in that village.

To chase his dream of photographing birds all over the world, Samuel had set an amount of money he wanted to make before he quit his lucrative job in Switzerland to travel. He'd made that amount about two years ago and followed through with his plan.

After living together for almost two months, the group at the ranch felt like family. We spent our evenings together cooking and eating and laughing. But one evening we noticed Samuel's eyes were turning yellow. He'd been feeling unwell the past few days, so Lila took him to the hospital to see what was wrong. It was heartbreaking to see her face void of color when she returned alone early the next morning. I can't imagine how she felt when the doctor told her that her partner, her best friend whom she had so many exciting adventures planned with, had cancer. 

From there unfolded an excruciating week of Lila working tirelessly to find the best way to get them both back to Switzerland for his treatment. Bags were packed, their fights were purchased (including for their dog), their van was safely stored away, and soon they were gone.

The coyotes filled the quiet left behind in their wake with mournful howls as if they too longed for Lila and Samuel to finish the adventure they'd started. I checked in with Lila when I could, but it was going to be a long, slow road to recovery for Samuel. 

The shock of the terrible diagnosis was eventually replaced for me by an intense knowing that there was no waiting for later.  From that point forward, I vowed to live like my life like it really could end tomorrow. Because you never know what is going to happen. All you really have is today. It doesn't matter how prepared you are, life doesn't care. There is no time to waste. We are here to live and live wholeheartedly. 

I share this story as a reminder of the brevity of life. Though it doesn't mean completely throwing caution to the wind, blowing all your savings, and burning all your bridges. Everything in life is a balance. The challenge is to keep yourself on that tightrope, in the middle of both extremes. And most importantly, to listen to yourself and your own intuition. Don't let fear take the wheel.

Wherever you want to go, go there. Whatever you want to do, do it. Whoever you want to be, be that.

Fuck later. Your chance to live is right now.

*DISCLAIMER: the identities of people mentioned have been altered to protect their privacy